Peace in the Darkest Places

It was Fourth of July weekend when we showed up to our family barbeque with a box of cookies. “February 4, 2016” was scrolled across the top— our baby’s due date.
 
Squeals of excitement and hugs of elation erupted as our secret was revealed. It was a wonderful day celebrating the life within me.
 
Three days later, in the deafening silence of an ultrasound room, they couldn’t find a heartbeat. The baby we had celebrated just days before had gone to be with Jesus. In the days following, I would wake up and have to tell myself, “Baby is gone; I am not pregnant.”
 
Days turned into weeks as I grieved in anger and sadness. I would not hold my baby in my arms.  It wasn’t supposed to be this way. 
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I imagine Jesus’ disciples felt the same kind of grief. They had spent three years doing life with Jesus, and ministering with Him… now He laid in a grave. They mourned his death, their hopes for the promised kingdom dashed. Jesus was supposed to conquer death— now he was given over to it. It wasn’t supposed to be this way. 
 
Three days later, Mary and the disciples were slow to believe they were in Jesus’ presence. They were slow to believe that he lived again; slow to turn their mourning to rejoicing.
 
Upon seeing Mary and the disciples, Jesus does not admonish them or ask them, “Why are you crying?” Instead, He says, “Peace be with you!” Friends, we are not called to stifle our cries of pain and suffering. Death and sickness still hurt. Jesus knew he would raise his friend Lazarus, yet he still wept over him. Jesus knew that his own death was part of God’s plan, and yet he asked for another way. Jesus knew his death was not the end and that he would rise, yet He felt forsaken.
 
The disciples found peace and joy in their grieving because Jesus was alive— he conquered death as He said He would. We can weep over this world and the tragedies that come with it, and still have hope because of this same truth. We can bring our hurt and sorrow to an empathetic savior who has endured suffering. Because Jesus rose from the dead, we can have hope in the midst of our pain. We can have peace even in the darkest of places.
 
Are you sitting in darkness? Do you find yourself wondering why God has forsaken you? Is your soul shouting, “It isn’t supposed to be this way!”?
 
Peace be with you, friend.
 
He has overcome. He has conquered the grave and is bringing light to the dark.
 
My baby left me and entered into the arms of Jesus. This truth has made me more aware of the reality of heaven. Though I mourn, it is not without hope. Jesus lives. I will worship at his feet, and I will see my baby again.
 
Life may not look the way it is supposed to right now, but friend, we have not been forsaken. We are not alone in our grief. Good news and hope and peace are waiting for us. Jesus endured pain and death, to take away our own. He has overcome.
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Memory Verse: "The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it." John 1:5, NIV

About the Author

Hi, I'm Katelyn Wilson! I live in Springfield, MO with my husband Michael and our two daughters, Quincy (3) and Landry (1). I worked as a pediatric physical therapist until a year ago when Landry was diagnosed with a rare and devastating genetic disorder. Motherhood has been a pain-laden journey through miscarriages, foster care, and now navigating life as a medical mom and advocate FOR LANDRY. I am learning how to mother and find joy in a life so very different from the one I planned. The only easy part is pointing to the all-encompassing deliverance and hope we find in Jesus.