Would my weary head ever hit the pillow?

My heart was so overwhelmed and my thoughts couldn’t keep quiet any longer. I surprised myself when I heard my tired confession. “I have nothing left to give you, Jesus!” I blurted out. That deep frustration bubbled up to the surface and forced its way out of my mouth.
​
In my moment of overwhelming defeat, I felt incredibly vulnerable. I didn’t realize how hard I had been trying to manage my day. I didn’t realize how helpless I felt on the inside. I didn’t realize how tired I was. It wasn’t the end of my day yet, but it felt like the end of something. Like the woman at the well in the city of Sychar, which translates to “end,” I had come to the end of myself.
 
The Samaritan woman went to the well at the hottest part of the day to avoid seeing other people. And yet Jesus went out of His way to meet her. Jews did not associate with Samaritans. But still the Messiah spoke straight to her heart. In a moment when she least expected grace and mercy, she received both in abundance.
 
In my own “woman at the well” moment, God spoke to my heart. He reminded me that I don’t have to muster up strength to meet with him. I simply offer my heart and he meets me in my mess. He knows my weaknesses and shortcomings. And just like Jesus visited the woman at the well at noontime, He visited me at lunchtime when I didn’t know how I was going to get through my day or put food on plates. When I had nothing left, Jesus reminded me that his strength is sufficient in my weakness. His love and forgiveness for the woman at the well shows me that his love and forgiveness for me not only redeems me, but gives me the strength to keep going.
 
Jesus’ invitation to drink from the living water extends to every tired mother in the noontime hour or any other hour of need. Have you ever felt stuck in a cycle of sin or shame? Maybe your burden was so heavy that you went out of your way to avoid others? When we receive the living water, the Holy Spirit, we can be filled to overflow for our people. But it all starts with Jesus. Nothing inside of me is strong enough to make it to 5’oclock. It is only from His living water, the Holy Spirit (John 7:37-39), that I can drink and not become thirsty.
 
Jesus knows us at our most vulnerable; He sees the secret parts and loves us more than we can fathom, just like the Samaritan woman. Not only does He see us, but He offers His Holy Spirit to fill us up. Do you need encouragement? Are you weary? Remind yourself of this powerful truth today. Jesus meets us right where we are! Yes, He meets us in our sin, shame, and self-defeat. He meets us at the end of ourselves, whether in the noontime or midnight hour, and offers the living water to sustain us.
 
The next time you feel like throwing your hands up in defeat, lift them just a little higher, look up to where your help comes from, and ask Jesus to give you a drink of living water.

​After decades of wandering the wilderness with grumbling Israelites, I’m sure Moses was tired, angry, and just maybe losing hope of the promised land. I sympathize with Moses; I, too, have grumbling people in my life that ask for endless snacks and drinks all day! But I also relate to the Israelites. I bring my grumbling to God often. “Are we there yet, God?” I question. But I’m so thankful for his mercy towards me. And I am also thankful for His correction, even when it interrupts my pity party, for the Lord corrects those He loves (Proverbs 3:12).
 
Moses was close to entering the Promised Land after years of wandering in the wilderness. Yet we read his disobedience prohibits Him from the land of milk and honey. However, at the end of his life, he tells the Israelites to keep their hearts pure and stop being stubborn towards God.
 
Moses and the rock illustrates that I can’t give up and go my own way, even when it feels good at the moment. Obedience and surrender are required of me all the time, not just when I feel like it.
 
Yep, I have to surrender even when I feel stubborn! And, yes, some weeks it’s very hard to surrender my heart. But the Father helps us work out that frustration by providing His Holy Spirit to help.
 
A surrendered heart produces a sanctified life. Sanctification is the process of becoming set apart - to be refined and purified. And we can’t go deeper with God or mature as believers until we surrender our hearts to Him. We can rest assured that every time we choose to surrender our hearts and minds, we not only go deeper in our faith, but receive the fullness of joy from the work of the Holy Spirit in our lives.
 
Do you find yourself being stubborn to the Lord’s loving correction in your life? Maybe you’re just plain tired and need some encouragement to surrender your heart to God. Here's the thing we must remember as believers: even in the midst of very valid anger, exhaustion, we must surrender our hearts. We don't want anger to lead to sin (Ephesians 4:26). The only way to keep our hearts open to God is to surrender over and over again, even when we are tired of wandering in the wilderness.
 
Moses' example shows us that we have to keep following God's commands, even when we are weary from the journey of life. Next time you are feeling a little stubborn about the process of sanctification, I invite you to open your heart to God the Father. Perhaps our prayer of surrender might sound something like this: "God, I am feeling very stubborn right now. I need your Holy Spirit to help me surrender. You are good, and your ways are always good. Amen!”
 

​When I read the story of Hagar and Ishmael, I think of the times I wanted to hide from God because of my own sin and shame. In Genesis 16, we read about how Sarai was impatient with God’s timing and took matters into her own hands. Sarai hatched a plan to speed up the process of having a child by way of her Egyptian maid-servant, and Abram agreed. But when Hagar became pregnant, Sarai mistreated her. Hagar ran away from Sarai, stopping at a spring in the desert. Here is where we see God’s great compassion displayed for a woman who was mistreated, “in misery” (v. 11), and on the run.
 
After the angel of the Lord meets the woman by the spring, he tells her to go back to her mistress and submit to her. He then gives her a promise for the future of her descendants (v. 10). Hagar responds to the Lord by saying, “You are the God who sees me,” for she said, “I have now seen the One who sees me” (Gen. 16:13). And the spring or well in the desert was called Beer Lahai Roi, which means "the well of him that liveth and seeth me.”
 
In God’s great mercy towards Hagar, he stopped her at the well. If she would have kept on running away, she may have faced danger on the run, or remained stuck in a cycle of shame. But God saw her, stopped her, and spoke to her. God had a plan even in the middle of the mess and misery.
 
Maybe you can relate to my examples of condemnation at the kitchen sink. Perhaps you’ve even felt the sting of shame today. Let me encourage you that those accusations coming against us are not from God. Out of the blue accusations are from the adversary - the “accuser of our brothers” (Revelation 12:9-10). We must remember that condemnation is from the enemy; loving correction comes from God. And the more we read God’s word and learn about His compassion, the easier it is to identify these attacks and combat them.
 
Hagar’s encounter with the angel of the Lord gives us an example for how God deals with us. Firstly, He meets us in the wilderness- in the wandering of our own hearts. Yes, the “God who sees us” meets directly with us in the middle of our sin and shame. Secondly, he speaks to our situation, and through his Word, he offers hope and life. Lastly, he sees our hearts and calls us by name. He knows everything about us because he created us and knows our future. So, the next time the enemy tries to shame you, remember that your God knows you, speaks to you, and calls you by name. Your God forgives you and does not accuse you. Yes, Your God is the one who sees and loves you! Rest in his abounding love for you today.
​

More times than not, the inner conflict is over a relationship. It’s so easy to be misunderstood and misinterpreted in our relationships.  After all, we each have a filter through which we give and receive.
The early church was not without tension and conflict either.

Paul wrote to young Timothy, encouraging him to not grow weary in his faith. He also wrote to give him clear instruction concerning matters of the church and Christian living. Paul warns Timothy about false teachings and doctrines that were common in the Ephesian church. The first portion of 1 Timothy is full of instructions, and truths for the believer.
Paul doesn’t mince words in the first chapter of 1 Timothy. He admonishes the believers under Timothy’s care, stating that they had missed the whole point. Instead of living their lives in genuine faith, from a pure heart and clear conscience, they’ve been spending their time caught up in meaningless discussions.

I can recognize times when I’ve missed the whole point too. I get tangled up in meaningless discussion. I overthink every angle. I play out imaginary scenarios that will likely never happen. My default approach is to be defensive. Unfortunately, I often don’t recognize my lack of love until it’s too late.

Paul’s words show me that I must have a clear awareness of my human predisposition. Like the Ephesians, I’m bent toward meaningless pursuits… like dissecting a discussion in my mind that will more than likely never happen.

As a believer, our goal should be to mature not only in faith, but also in our relationships, and be “filled with love that comes from a pure heart” (1 Timothy 1:5). We can use Paul’s checkpoints of godly love: a pure heart, a clear conscience, and a genuine faith. It’s an ongoing battle, but let’s be encouraged that if we allow God to search our hearts and listen to the Holy Spirit for truth, then He will correct us.

Is there an area of your life where you are facing a dilemma of the heart? Do you feel inner conflict? Do you want to be filled with more love for others? Are you weary in the faith?
​
Humble yourself before God. Pray in earnest that He would search your heart. Allow Him to fill you with a divine love that breaks down barriers and infiltrates our human filters. When we allow God to search our whole being, He can give us a pure heart, a clear conscience, and a genuine faith. Then we will see clearly and make our decisions out of a pure love.

When I think about the fruit of the Spirit, I think about the sowing and reaping involved in gardening. The care we invested into preparing my rose and fruit tree garden serve as a spiritual lesson.

The Lord has been dealing with me on the condition of my heart “soil.”  Is my heart prepared for sowing seeds that produce the fruit of the Spirit?

Recently I was having a really hard time with my middle child. It seemed like everything I tried with him failed.  After many months of frustration, guilt, and exhaustion, I broke down. My husband and I began seeking the Lord and praying for insight into this situation.

The Master Gardener, Jesus, helped me get to the heart of the matter. I began meditating on Proverbs 4:23 and realized there were some roadblocks in my own heart that were preventing healing. God showed me parts of my heart AND my son’s heart that had been neglected. I was sowing seeds (trying to be patient, kind, loving), but the seeds fell on poor soil.

Isn’t it a relief to know that we can talk to the Master Gardener anytime we need to? If you feel stuck or stagnant in an area of life, ask the Master for insight into the situation because He has the answer.

When I allowed God to work on my heart and mend the soil, I began to feel a change from the inside out. Instead of “trying to be patient,” I felt peace. Rather than trying to give my son more attention to curb his outbursts, I felt more joy when we were together. And the Master replaced my feelings of resentment with pure love. Peace, love, and joy— real, lasting fruit of the Spirit began to grow.
 
What is the condition of your heart? Is it dry and resistant, or well-watered and ready to receive? Ask the Master Gardener to show you what He sees.
​
In the physical garden, the soil mixture and properties must be high quality to grow beautiful roses and produce much fruit.  The same is true for our spiritual gardens-- we must cultivate the heart soil so the Holy Spirit can help us bear much fruit. Laying the right soil can be a humbling and hard process, but when you ask the Master Gardener to show you the way, He will always get to the heart of the matter.