Face the Grace

​“I’m an alcoholic,” I admitted to my therapist. I had held this in for quite some time.
 
How silly does that sound? I wanted to hide this from a person whose job is literally to help me with my mental health.

​I wanted to keep that skeleton tucked away, pretending it wasn’t a problem because in all honesty, I hated drinking. It was making me miserable but when I had thoughts that wouldn’t stop, when my anxiety took over, I turned to alcohol instead of God. I realized I had also been avoiding God. I felt guilty praying because I knew I was sinning.

Job also admitted some really awful ideas and thoughts to His Heavenly Father. One of the most heart wrenching parts of his dialogue is when he tells God he wishes he was never born. Yet God wasn’t surprised and He didn’t turn away. 
 
Job was concentrated on the why: “Why me? Why now? Why, why, why?” God’s response wasn’t what Job expected, but rather answered his question with “Who are you?” God didn’t belittle Job and his despair, but rather realigned his perspective. When we are completely vulnerable with our God, we are able to fully see what God is trying to tell us. Our hearts are changed.
 
God already knows how you feel whether you share your feelings or not. God turns the table and begins to ask Job some hard questions, some things we still don’t have the answers to. Job responds with a change of heart: “Then Job replied to the Lord: ‘I know that you can do all things; no purpose of yours can be thwarted. You asked, “Who is this that obscures my plans without knowledge?” Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know’” (Job 42:1-3).
 
In this conversation between God and Job, we start to understand that we aren’t meant to lean on our own understanding, but to trust in the Lord. God made it clear to Job that he failed to do this.
 
But I have to believe that even though Job had to swallow this hard truth, he was comforted knowing that he didn’t have to pretend in front of his Heavenly Father. That by being vulnerable, God spoke truth over him. Vulnerability leads to humility which softens our hearts to truth. He may not give you the response you want, but He will always give you the truth. 
 
Shortly after the conversation with my therapist, I came to God and I admitted I was weak. I needed Him to battle with me and sustain me. I needed Him to fight these intrusive thoughts because He has strength I never will. I am not close to perfect; I never will be. But I can say alcohol doesn’t control my life anymore and those intrusive thoughts are getting better and better with every prayer and Christ-centered person He has continued to place in my life. I could sum it all up to this: His grace. 
 
Sister, what question are you struggling with today? Whether it's an addiction, an illness you feel is unfair, a circumstance you feel you can’t bear, be honest and bring it to His feet today. 
 
Pour out your heart and ugly truth. Listen for God's loving response and pour into His word. You don’t have to fake it or hide; He will love you through it. He will love you because of it. He will restore you, not through your power, but His power and His perfect love in your weakness. 
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Memory Verse: "But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: 'God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.'" James 4:6 

Meet the Author

Hi, I'm Taylor Watkins! I live in the North Georgia mountains with my husband and best friend, Ethan. Our humble abode is decorated with pink and purple crayon drawings and cut-out paper hearts, created by our two sweet daughters. Black cups of coffee, inspiring books, writing, fuzzy blankets, and deep belly laughs are some of my favorite things. I am all about some comfort, which is one of the many reasons I love me some Jesus. Walking with Jesus and talking about the Word with a group of women has been life-changing. Come join us and come as you are. (Slippers are welcome.) ​