Embracing Our Past

​It had been 33 years since I was raped as a young teen. Over those decades, I’d dismissed, ignored and, at times, even blamed myself for the incident.
 
I had believed I lost my virginity at 13, but that wasn’t the truth. I was all alone in my car one day when God spoke to my heart, “Call it what it was.” I could see the word: Rape.
 
I was a strong single mom in my second career, but this one word had sent me packing and running at every threat. However, in this moment I could feel the atmosphere was shifting; my soul was experiencing one of those “suddenly” moments. For the first time in a very long time I felt like I could breathe. I was free. The heaviness of guilt lifted off my chest.

As the final chapters of Acts unfold, we see how easily Paul shared his story with so many:

• Crowds of Jews
  
• The Council
  
• The High Priest
  
• Felix the governor
  
• Festus
  
• King Agrippa

 
Each time Paul recounts his story he includes the good, the bad, and the ugly. Once a hunter of the followers of Jesus, he embraced even this part of his story. His persecution of believers was horrific, yet Paul wasn’t ashamed. He had an encounter with Jesus and was set completely free.
 
So often, as we come to Jesus, we hide, ignore, gloss over our past. But our past, combined with our encounter with Jesus— that, my friend, is our testimony.
 
The Hebrew word for testimony comes from a root word that literally means “do again.” Every time we share our story, we create a landing place for God to come and do it again, so others can encounter Jesus and experience freedom.
 
Paul had every right to be ashamed of his past. What could be worse than fiercely hunting followers of Jesus? Yet Paul modeled for us how to embrace every part of our story without shame, guilt, or embarrassment.
 
In the most intense time of Paul’s full-time genocidal mission, he encountered Jesus. On the road of hatred and murder, Jesus appears to him personally. (Acts 9:4)  At some point, we were all on a road headed away from Him when He intersected our lives and called us to follow Him. Jesus always intends our past to become the testimony to the world— we are called to be a witness. Shame fights against this calling, causing us to be negatively focused inward. Jesus wants to renew our self-image with the truth, so we see ourselves the way He sees us.
 
Paul was so transformed by his encounter with Jesus that there was no shred of shame left. The day Jesus met me in my car, He took all the shame and guilt from deep in my soul, and allowed me to share about it.
 
Jesus wants to meet with you, too, and mend the broken places you cannot even name. Sit for a moment with Jesus. Ask Him if there is any part of your past that is still covered in guilt or shame. Allow Him to show you what He wants to heal. As He brings events and emotions to mind, spend a few minutes forgiving and releasing those involved— including yourself. Ask Jesus what the truth is. Ask Him what He sees. Tell Him you desire to be able to minister grace and salvation to others from these past experiences.
 
There is power in the testimony of a woman set free from her past. May you embrace every part of your story. Then go and be a witness so that others can encounter Him also.

About the Author

Hi! I'm Anne Say. My husband and I have a blended family of five adult children (five sons and daughters-in-love), and nine grandchildren! I am a retired teacher (and former office manager). These days I get to combine all of my experience into helping people make sense of life and faith. God has called me to people who are stuck in their faith and who've lost their sense of identity. I help people make sense of the past, see clearly in the present, and catch a vision for the future. Connect with Anne at www.annesayphotography.com

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