That's Not Fair!

In December 2022 I had a large tumor removed along with my kidney. My doctor told me the tumor was most likely malignant due to its size and location. Surgery was successful and a few weeks later, a pathology report showed the tumor to be benign. I breathed a sigh of relief as I rebuilt my strength, watched my hydration levels, and corrected some dietary issues to preserve my remaining kidney. I could go back to mothering my two children and loving my husband of two decades. 

A couple weeks after my surgery, a friend was diagnosed with a large tumor as well. We touched base, encouraged one another, and offered promises of prayers.

​The weeks wore on and my friend became sicker, fighting for her life. Cancer was confirmed and aggressive treatments were attempted. One dramatic recovery was barely in the rearview when devastating news came that the cancer had spread to vital organs. Messages continued for a while as she was able, but ceased when her strength and mental capacity waned.

Prayer vigils were held and ultimately my friend died only eight months after her first symptom. Her four children and husband were left with a hole in their lives. 

Our initial diagnoses were not that different. Our treatments and struggles varied somewhat. But the end results do not feel fair to me at all. Why am I still here while my beautiful, vibrant friend is not? 

In Matthew 20:1-16, Jesus tells the story of some vineyard workers hired to help a landowner. Some workers began their labor early in the morning for the promise of one denarius. Throughout the day, the landowner added workers to the vineyard. Just before quitting time, more workers were added. At the end of the day, the pay was distributed with each worker receiving one denarius despite the number of hours they toiled in the field. The workers who put in a full day began to complain until the landowner reminded them that they had agreed to work for a denarius. They took the pay and their unfair feelings and left. The landowner reminded them his wealth was to distribute as he pleased. The first batch of workers could not see the landowner’s generosity and focused on their feelings instead. 

In a similar way, my feelings of survivor’s guilt showed how I felt it was unfair when my friend died and I lived. 

Have you ever experienced a situation where the outcome felt unfair to you? Maybe you were passed over for a job or a promotion in which you were obviously a more qualified candidate. Or perhaps someone else scored a win when you had put in more practice and effort towards the goal. Children are quick to verbalize their feelings about what they perceive to be unfair: “His piece of pie was bigger than mine!” But as adults, we are often more restrained and yet the feeling is sometimes right beneath the surface: “That’s not fair! I deserved it more.”

Are you facing a scenario where you are tempted to grumble, complain, or declare how unfair it is to anyone who will listen? Remember the parable of the vineyard workers and know that God sees our efforts, knows our hearts, and will work everything out as He sees fit. 

We can trust God even when outcomes feel unfair. Keep your focus on trusting Him, doing what He asks you to do, and knowing that His ways are higher than ours even when they do not make sense to us. 

“‘As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.’” Isaiah 55:9 (NIV)

About the Author

​Hello! I am Dana Schaefer, a wife, mom, and higher education professional. I love seeing people discover their destiny and believe that Bible study and prayer are crucial parts of that process. I make my home in northwest Georgia. During my downtime, I enjoy a mountain sunrise, peach iced tea, and a good book.