Beware the PIT of Self-Pity

By Shelley Hendrix

I received some really disappointing news at the beginning of the summer of 2013 and it hit me hard. Really hard. And then, as many of you have shared with me you’ve experienced, it felt as though I couldn’t get up from that punch before another situation kicked me down again. 

This went on throughout the whole summer. I’m a summer girl, y’all. I LIVE for Christmas and Summer, basically, at least as far as seasons go; so in addition to dealing with these challenges, I was also missing my summer. When August arrived, I was in one of the worst places emotionally and mentally that I’ve been in longer than I can remember. Giving up and calling it quits had never been more attractive. 

The first Sunday in August came and I was tempted to stay under the covers in bed rather than enter the doors of my local church. I came SO close, and to be honest, missing one Sunday wasn’t going to hurt anyone too much; but for me, and on that particular Sunday, God nudged me gently, but firmly with a thought that He placed in my mind: “Shelley, beware the PIT of Self-pity.” 

Short and to the point. He got my attention with that brief 1-liner to my soul.

With that prompting from God’s Spirit to my own, I had a choice to make. August 4 also happens to be the date I celebrate my new life in Christ, my “Spiritual Birthday.” I can’t tell you off the top of my head what the message was that Sunday, nor what songs we sang, nor anything else really, but I’ll remember forever how much that small step away from the pit kept me from sliding down a very slippery slope. 

As I prayerfully considered this “PIT” of self-pity, these three ‘warning signs’ revealed themselves and I want to share them with you so that you, too, can avoid, or take steps to get out of, the PIT of Self-PITy. 


P: Pressure to be all, do all, have it all. 

Whenever we begin to feel the pressure to be all things to all people; to do all things that need to be done, (“If I want it done right, I guess I’ll have to do it myself!”); or to have it all (for ourselves, our children, our homes, our ministries, etc) ~ we set ourselves up to be disappointed, discouraged, and disillusioned. 

There is ONLY ONE all-powerful, all-present, all-sufficient being in this universe, and friend, neither you nor I are that Being! In the times we find ourselves feeling this kind of pressure, it’s helpful to remember: 


“I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.” Philippians 4:13—Not everything I personally initiate, but what Christ in me initiates. Remember, write this down somewhere, share it on your social networks if needed, but don’t forget this principle:

“I have everything I need today to do what GOD has called me to do today.” 

 

I: Isolation from relationship 

When we get discouraged and it seems like good things are happening for everyone else (at least according to Facebook posts and pics), it’s tempting to pull back from relationship with others and throw ourselves a party for one. This isolation from relationship doesn’t even necessarily have to happen in isolation. We might be surrounded by people, showing up on time and going through the motions, but not fully engaged nor present with loved ones in relationship. 
 
I know folks who have given up on meeting in any type of church setting because they’ve been wounded in these places, but this isn’t the answer Jesus gives us for dealing with our hurts and disappointments. When you feel the tug to isolate, remember: 

“Let us not give up on meeting together…but let’s encourage one another.”Hebrews 10:25 

We are created from and for relationship. Isolating won’t bring the healing our souls long to experience. Our greatest wounds come through relationship, but so does our greatest healing. So don’t close yourself off to what God wants to use to pull you out of that pit! 

 

T: Temptation to focus solely on self 

Ugh…this one hit me between the eyes. My husband and I have been on a journey to understanding God’s grace, living authentically in relationship, and differentiating between the principle of “taking thoughts captive” and the practice of stuffing emotions. Because we have come to understand the power of confessing what is real, not necessarily what is impressive, it’s easy to then swing to the extreme of expressing every negative emotion, thought, etc and then camping out there in a pity party. 

“Woe is me…I can’t believe what I have to deal with…” Like Job, we may not give in to the temptation to curse God, but I can definitely relate to his, “why is this happening to ME?” cries. As God whispered the “Beware the PIT of Self-Pity” warning to my spirit, He revealed to me, and brought conviction to me that I had allowed myself to spend a little too much time thinking of…well, myself. 

And then I interviewed two young women who had been imprisoned for their faith in the Evin Prison in Iran. They spent 9 months not knowing if they’d be beaten, tortured, raped, or even killed. In all of that, they remembered how loved they were by Jesus; that tribulation is a part of life in a fallen world; and that no matter what happened to them, the worst thing (losing relationship with Almighty God) could never and would never happen to them. 

The balance can be tricky, but while we’re learning to be honest, authentic, and real, we also need to ask the Spirit within us to convict us anytime we tip the scales and lose balance, slipping into a pit of self-pity. 

Remember: “This is My commandment, that you love one another, just as I have loved you.” John 15:12 

“Let each of you esteem and look upon and be concerned for not [merely] his own interests, but also each for the interests of others.”  Philippians 2:4 



There is a PIT in Self-PITy, but you and I do not have to fall into it! I leave you with this quote by Elisabeth Elliot: 

“And even if you seem to have nothing but regrets, horrible pictures of your poor choices, your sins, your mistakes, your failures, we’re talking about a God who repairs things, makes things over, transforms them.”

 

First published here: http://shelleyhendrix.com/beware-the-pit-of-self-pity/ - Used with permission.


Word of the Day:
“Let each of you esteem and look upon and be concerned for not [merely] his own interests, but also each for the interests of others.”  Philippians 2:4 

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