In between changing diapers, checking homework and trying to figure out what kind of chicken I'm going to put on the dinner table I have found I have to schedule evvvveryyyything.
I’ve got alarms, calendar events and to-do lists out the wazoo. My life is crazy, but every now and again I come upon a week crazier than all of the others-
This has been one of those weeks.
I Raced to get the kids dressed.
Raced to get out the door and in the car.
Raced— errr… drove the speed limit, of course— to Pre-K with intentions to race my 4-year-old to his class, hopeful that I could race home to squeeze in a quick workout.
No such luck.
My middle child decided today would be the first day in the history of EVER that he would cling to me as I turned to leave. Five minutes of hugs, kisses and high-fives later I was feeling flustered. I raced out of the school and back to my car only to find an e-mail on my phone, reminding me of another project that needed to move up on my to-do list.
I could feel the tension rising in my shoulders and creeping up my neck.
I raced home and did manage to get that workout in (I didn’t manage to get a shower. Ew.), put baby B down for her nap and was determined to conquer the big, scary List...
It was then that it dawned on me that I should spend some time talking to God and reading His Word.
I made excuses: I don’t have time for that right now.
The List was crying out, loudly.
I looked at the list. The list looked at me...I wanted to cry. Seriously.
Determination crumbled. Anxiety and inadequacy overcame me. Doubt flooded in.
This is impossible. I need more time. I don’t know how to take on that project. I can't do this.
I reluctantly grabbed my Bible and curled up into the recliner. God I can’t do this. I need your peace.
A few familiar words from today’s verse popped into my mind. I looked it up and took in the timely words found in Philippians 4:6-7— “Tell God what you need…”
Yes, I can tell God what I need.
I need peace. I need more time— no, I need more wisdom on how to use my time…God, I don't know what I need, but I need something.
As I sat waiting I began to realize...
Jesus, You are peace.
God, you are the author of time.
You are wisdom...God, I need more of you!
In just ten minutes my perspective had changed completely. I was no longer overwhelmed, no longer lacking— in time, peace or wisdom. As I threw all my anxieties and inadequacies at Him, He dumped a truckload of peace on me.
I wish I could say that I’m awesome at spending quiet time with the Lord daily. I’m not awesome. Somehow, like Martha, I miss the fact that time spent at the feet of Jesus is not wasted time. Time and time again, I find myself on “E,” Walking— gas can in hand— back to my Savior.
But the truth I’ve found is this: The peace God gives is greater than any peace a checked box on my to-do list could ever offer.
And the bottom line is that I don’t want to spend my life stressed.
I don't want to be "on-edge" Mommy-- liable to snap at any moment. I want to be deeply rooted in God's peace and presence so that I can gracefully handle anything life (or children) may throw at me.
Also, there is something rare, so captivating, about a peaceful spirit these days. It draws people to notice— I want what you got— opening a window of opportunity to share Christ with an overextended and exhausted world.
We're busy, You and I, but let's put down our to-do lists and take a step of faith together, today.
The dishes can wait (It's hard, I know) and, let's face it, the laundry will never end anyway. Jesus is waiting on us to unload our cares on Him, so that he can dump His truckload of peace and wisdom on us in return. We can't afford NOT to make time for that!