Actually, "bad" is putting it lightly-
It was, in fact, a “terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.”
Seriously though—it was off the chart (and not in the positive sort of way.)
The stomach bug made its way through our home late last week and on into the weekend, leaving just in time for my husband and I to scramble the family together so the boys could fulfill their role as ring-bearers in a friend’s wedding.
And then it was Sunday. Oh, Sunday.
My teething 11-month old woke up cranky and screaming, then proceeded to follow me around the house crying while I shouted at her brothers to get dressed at least sixty times.
The boys argued and cried all of the way to church. Insert one hour of peace (Thank you, Jesus, for children’s ministry!) then more arguing and crying all of the way home from church.
Lunch… more crying, screaming, arguing. Add: threatening, as my patience was dried up at this point.
I could go on but I’ll spare you the horror.
You're a mom- chances are you've "been there." (But seriously, it got worse, y’all.)
At the end of the “terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day," all I could do was collapse on the couch and numb my brain, thumbing mindlessly through Pinterest and social media feeds on my phone.
Numb my brain…
Just trying to quiet out the voices, those Commentators of my day giving me the “run-down” on everything I did wrong and/or could have done better.
Sure, my kids were “difficult,” but as the day progressed my responses became further and further from “loving.”
I had started the day feeling like SuperMom, ready to take on the world, and ended it feeling like “What kind of a mom am I?” and "Who am I to encourage other moms? I’m the one who needs help!”
Guilt. Shame. Discouragement.
As I was wallowing in my “bad mom” slop I was reminded of a statement my pastor had made just that morning:
“Your identity is greater than your activity.”
Well, that was good timing, and good news because my activities for the day (i.e. impatience, unkindness, losing my temper, etc.) were not exactly “gold-star” material.
I don’t know about you, but somehow I get tricked into thinking that on the (super-rare) days that I keep a good attitude, muster up a fun activity for the kids, get dinner on the table on time, and facilitate a peaceful bedtime routine then I am a "good mom", and then I am worth something.
So, consequently on the days where I’m running late, yelling at the kids, letting them watch “too many” TV shows, throwing leftovers on the table and screaming my way through bedtime then I am a “bad mom,” and then I am worth nothing.
But you know what? That’s not truth.
The reality of it all is that on my good days and my worst days alike I am a Daughter of the Most High God, and He says "You're worthy. You're valuable."
Woah. That is a lot to take in.
It’s the kind of truth that causes me to have to completely set aside what “makes sense”—human thoughts and ways and reasoning— because unlike our fickle human feelings, God’s feelings about us don’t ever change.
Loved. Cherished. Worthy.
And He says the same about you.
Not because of anything we have done, for that would mean we would have to keep striving, but only through the work of Christ on the cross two thousand years ago. For me. For you.
Our identity is greater than our activity.
At the end of the day, when we are worn to the bone from giving our all to our husbands, our children, our work; In spite of those reckless Commentators in the recesses of our minds pointing fingers to our imperfections, we can look up at our Heavenly Father and see him there, standing, smiling, cheering us on because we are His.
So go ahead and whisper the words...
I am a Daughter of the Most High God. Loved. Cherished. Worthy.
Let that truth sink deep into your soul and show those Commentators the back door.
WORD OF THE DAY
"God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure.” Ephesians 1:5
Dear God, I struggle with feeling worthless at times. Help me to remember that the things that I do (or don’t do) do not dictate my worth. Help me to rest in the knowledge that I am loved, cherished and worthy because of Christ’s work on my behalf. Thank you for adopting me as your daughter. Help me to honor you in all that I do today. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.