I want to hold on to my child for fear of what could happen when he’s out of my grasp (physically and emotionally). I cling tightly to the doubts that cloud my mind while battling God’s constant pursuit of my whole heart. And I let fear determine my stronghold on the plans I’ve drawn up for myself, my marriage, and my children when God promises a future with much more value, both in this life and eternally.
I can't help but equate God’s desire for abandonment of self to my toddler’s newest challenge for peace as we fight to get rid of his pacifier. We have finally taken it away to allow his teeth to align properly and make another step towards independence; he is heartbroken. His biggest comfort is his “paci.” He falls asleep to its rhythmic suck; it calms his fears when he’s anxious, and brings peace on long car rides. We didn't realize the depth of his attachment to the pacifier until we started this process.
As an exhausted mom who is desperately trying to fill the void of his paci, we've begun praying each night over letting go. It was in that first night of prayer I felt God offer answers to questions in my own heart as He was summoned to comfort Griffin’s. I prayed:
God, please bring comfort, peace, and healing to Griffin’s heart. Please show Griffin that it's okay to let go of the paci. For, his greatest comfort will come from You. Lord, please break the chains his paci has placed on him, so he may grow in Your presence and embrace his journey as a maturing little boy. Amen
I found myself crying as we rocked: tears in exchange for the tiny drops falling from Griffin’s eyes in desperation for his greatest comfort, but also tears of my own. As much as I pray for Griffin to let go of things that could hold him back from growth, maturation, and full-dependence on God, I should be praying those same things for myself.
Our hearts long for comfort and peace. Sometimes we assume peace derives from what's easiest or most convenient. We refuse to let go of our own goals, worries, and shame because we don't trust God enough to make everything okay, better even. The life God can give us holds waves of promise and joy, strength and success...if we only release what is sometimes the most difficult. Let’s not stand in God’s way of delivering His promises for a future of hope and goodness.
Letting go does not void us of struggle and maybe some magnitude of change. But I assure you, He will never leave nor forsake us. God longs to be our biggest source of comfort and the most prominent provider of peace as we let go and let Him sort through our doubts while paving our path to greater places. Trusting in His faithfulness will help us relinquish those things that bound us like chains. God alone can and will break the links around our hearts if we allow Him the opportunity.
So, I'll continue to pray for my son as we proceed with the process of helping him to let go of his most “prized possession.” And, I'll pray for myself and all of you as we drop our burdens to grab the hand of the Father and walk towards perfect peace.
Word of the Day
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. (Proverbs 3:5)
Let us come to You for ultimate comfort and peace. God, help us to let go of the things that bind our hearts and emotions to take Your hand and walk with You. God help us relinquish our doubts, fear, shame, and possessions we hold onto with greater intensity than we hold onto You. Help us seek the face of Jesus for perspective and purpose instead of what's easiest or most convenient. Amen
Author: Candace Koon